Lebanese lingo

Fri 19th July 02
Why didn’t anyone tell me the language of Lebanese doesn’t exist? Is this a closely guarded secret? Looks like the joke’s on me:
We all know that when placing an order in a Turkish kebab shop with an alcohol induced perma-grin in the small hours, that such pleasantries as “Merhaba, nasilsiniz?” and “te sekk3r ederim” go a long way to ensuring your pitta gets as packed as Maz’s suitcase after a Club Reps’ season in Faliraki. Don’t we? So when you move to an area where the local kebab shop’s Lebanese, don’t think you’re impressing anyone by insisting on learning pleasantries in, not Arabic, but Lebanese. After rejecting ‘chokran’ with knowing superiority (“but that’s Arabic for ‘thanks’, how do you say it in Lebanese?”) I was proferred an alternative: ‘spass’ (used on return visits and received with much warmth and hilarity – friendly blokes, they are).
On deciding to learn some basic Lebanese in preparation for future visits, imagine my surprise to discover that ‘spass’ is German for ‘fun’ and that the Lebanese lingo n’existe pas…
Ich bin spass?